Everything Is Under Control (Not Ours)

I’ve been thinking again
about how an intergalactic invasion force
could be the most potentially interesting
development in my life.

It would finally afford me an excuse
to show off my brain-in-a-jar collection.
They will consider my genetic material
an anomaly, and I am auctioned off
to a wealthy slime emperor
who collects mildly disappointing lifeforms.

All global leaders are abducted for reconditioning
and returned
with an unselfish list of harmonious demands.

The intergalactic stock market crashes
because Earth refuses to abide by basic math.

We hasten the establishment of a date
on which we all simultaneously
default on our credit cards.

Driving is replaced with teleportation.
Everyone arrives late anyway.
Time and matter dissolve in protest.

Everything reaches equilibrium,
and a gentle hum settles over the galaxy.