Apr 5, 2025

Genesis Thirty-Four

Dinah was raped by a prince—
who supposedly also harbors tendernesses
such as ’love’ and ‘a curated soul’—
while she was seen standing too still
in a half-built town.

Pathogenically-named Shechem
decides he’d like to defile her
on a more regular basis,
asks, Daddy, may I have it?

His father pulls a few strings,
lands a meeting with her
designated patriarchal representative.
Jacob simulates his own funeral
while his sons feign hospitality
with phony utensils.

It goes something like this:

Let’s all move in together.
We’ll partake of your daughters,
and you’ll partake of ours.
It’s all disease-free.
Let’s party.

The brothers submit a formal revision.

Of course, we’d share your livestock and land.
But first—small irreversible thing:
you must all be circumcised.

The crowd shrugs in abject misunderstanding.

Not only did Hamor and son fancy the deal,
they somehow convinced an entire town
of men to get simultaneous circumcisions
with one big, long, impressive speech.

Now, I don’t claim to know
how one properly medicates
an adult-size snipping,
but I’m sure these men do not either.

So they drank themselves into stupor,
and by the third night,
when their groins were sermons of regret,
Simeon and Levi crept in
and slew every male by the sword.

Each piled his new wives, children,
livestock, and miscellaneous foreskins
on the back of a camel headed home.

Jacob says something like,
“Thanks for making me look like a jackass.”

Everyone apparently forgets
to ask Dinah how she’s doing.